.:Life Spices:.

Say: AAAAAAA

2012-01-30T11:02:00.000+08:00

I just found this too cute!!!!

I've been spending way too long checking my tongue in the mirror
And bending over backwards just to try to see it clearer
But my breath fogged up the glass
And so I drew a new face and I laughed

More lyrics: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/j/jason_mraz/#share

我是一只乌龟

2012-01-30T10:31:00.000+08:00

Hi.

Bye.

I won't give up

2012-01-27T19:38:00.002+08:00

and I hope you won't too.

Very very beautiful song.

踏实

2012-01-20T00:23:00.000+08:00

的感觉真好。

:D

2012

2012-01-07T10:05:00.000+08:00

Dear you,
you've been a star. I feel so very found. Thanks for anchoring me back down. Just. at. the. right. time. :)

Love,

me.
x

~*~

Resolutions penned down! I'm now all geared up for the new year. Charge aheaaaaad!!!

E for Eve. and Excuses.

2011-12-31T20:06:00.000+08:00

I had chose being in my room over the company of crazy friends, being immersed in the cacophony of loud fireworks, crowd chatters, jubilant screams under the sky illuminated by colourful streaks of light, making the London Eye more than just a lone Ferris wheel by the River Thames every other night.

Why?

Because I don't want to come back alone. Because it is not safe. Because the crowd in the tube station will be crazy. Because I have to finish my assignment.

Yeah right.
---
Post-script: Glad you called. =)

Heart Knots

2011-12-09T20:22:00.001+08:00

“But daddy, don’t worry about me, ok? I will be alright. I’vebeen reading the teachings. I’m very aware of how blessed I am. Love you.”

I am, after all, mummy's girl. I'm a fighter.

Hello you.

2011-12-06T20:26:00.000+08:00

Last year today.

Cheers to many more surprises.

Summer

2011-12-05T16:40:00.000+08:00

I'm still disoriented with the Change.

For example: I suddenly realised I have to think of what to do next summer.

Waves and Nodes

2011-12-04T04:27:00.001+08:00

I should be thankful because there is always a wave after each node. My peak is coming, I know it. No matter how small it may be, I am anticipating it. I will be looking out for it. I will get myself ready for it.

Reaching for the stars

2011-12-01T22:43:00.000+08:00

Not good enough. But I'm getting there. :)

Reverie

2011-11-30T16:30:00.000+08:00

Oops. I'm in mid-air again.

Sometimes I think I have attention deficit disorder. Sober up sober up.

苦口良药

2011-11-26T19:20:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I need a good slap in my face as a constant reminder that I'm not good enough. Not a nice feeling, yes. A slap hard enough to knock my arrogance down. I've got some real big shoes to fill. And I refuse to accept that I am less able than you are.

If you can, I can too.

眼光

2011-11-22T19:16:00.000+08:00

最后，还是很在乎别人的眼光。

Snippets

2011-11-21T12:27:00.000+08:00

On my way to my first child visit, I saw a young man, well-dressed, walking from the opposite direction, hands in pocket, blank stare, smiling to himself.

As I cross the road, I saw two cyclists. The girl in front, the guy following closely behind. The guy: Right hand on bicycle handle, left hand iphone, snapping a picture of her from behind.

Love is in the air? or is it just me after a good weekend. Have a good week ahead everyone! :D muaaaaaah. ♥

Old Angel

2011-11-17T21:09:00.001+08:00

"Were you a nurse?"
"No... No not a nurse."
"But you took care of the soldiers."
"Yes. Yes, I did. During the war, I did all sorts of things. I worked in the kitchen.. Some of the soldiers came in injured. I fed them, I nursed them. All you have to do is to clean the wound, stick a clean gauze on it and you're done! We didn't really have to do nursing. We'd know what to do."

She spoke very slowly and softly.

"Wow.. then you must know how to do everything." I looked at her with admiration. She had white hair in a nicely brushed bob-style, like those in the 60s. Her face marked with age and experience.

"No." She paused. She slowly moved her head away from me, gave me a serious look and came close to me.
"Don't ever." She whispered to me.
"Ever, darling, let someone say to you that they know everything. You are learning every day." She squeezed my hand tighter.

"And don't ever let someone tell you what to do. What is right for them might not be right for you. Never ever rush into things. Do you know what I'm talking about girl? Never rush into things. Think before you do anything at all. And then. Just do what you think is right."

"I always tell my children: 'you do what you think is right. Be brave to follow your heart.' And they do."

I nodded, I can only imagine how fine her children must have grown up to be. Sensible and wise, just like her.

"Sometimes you make mistakes." Pause."I do a lot!" She whispered and smiled.

"But I never get upset. Don't you ever get upset when you make a mistake darling."
"Then what do you do?"
"I just.. laugh it off!" She let out a small laugh.

"You're very optimistic!"

"Well," she shrugged, "why not?" She smiled in that ever so motherly way.

"Cheering up is as easy as being sad. Whenever I feel a little depressed or down, I give myself a good telling off. I might need a frame to walk, but there are those poor people who can't even walk! I talk too much dear. You don't have to listen to all that I have said. Again, take what is good for you."

"No, you're not. This is exactly what I needed to hear, Catherine*. Thank you." I gently stroked her hands.
[*Not her real name.]

"You see. With my children, I let them do what they want, when they want. But of course I make sure they are on the right path. And now, they are doing very well." She paused for a while.
"I have 2 daughters, one son." That smile again.
"Are you proud of them?"
"Oh.." She took a deep breath and widened her eyes as though I asked a very silly question.
"I'm very proud of my children. And I'll always be very proud of them, even if they turned out bad." Emphasising every word.

Do you know how sometimes you get so touched, you get goosebumps? Yes, it was one of those times. What love could be greater than that. I was so gently reminded of the joy whenever mum said she was proud of me, no matter how small my achievement was.

"I have a grand daughter, I think. I don't remember. I don't see them very often."
"Well that's because they live up in the countryside, I'm alright, I wouldn't want them to come all the way down just to see me anyway." She quickly added.
Coughs. "Excuse me. I have dry throat. It has been 2 months now, but I don't bother going to the doctor." She waved dismissively.

Before I left, she managed to hold me for a little while longer.
"I'm just wondering girl," Her sparkling eyes were as beautiful as her golden dangling earrings. She aged so beautifully, I thought to myself. Her bright pink blouse accentuating her youthful and optimistic spirit.

"Your mother. You have a mother?"
"Yeah I do."
She waited for me to say more.
"But she just passed away a few months ago."
"Oh... I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry darling."

"It's alright." I smiled as I reassuringly stroked her hand which was still clasping mine. "But why?"
"Oh.. I was going to ask you that, because your mum," she looked away for a brief second, and continued, "she put you in a good place in life. You know how talk to people. You're such a lovely girl. Keep-that-smile-on-your-face." She sternly pointed her index finger at me.

"Thank you, I will. I will keep this on my face!" I grinned at her. "It was so nice talking to you Catherine. You take care alright. I'll come to see you next week."

"Oh no... Don't say that. I wouldn't want to see you here next week."
"Oh why?"
"You see. I'm going back home.." She smiled, "They say, home is where the heart is!" I live in Franklin street. Do you know where that is?"
"Oh yes, that's actually not very far from where I stay."
"That's good! We might meet again some day!"

What are the chances? Who is going to take care of her? Would going back home be better than all the good care she is getting at the nursing home right now? A little saddened by the fact that we might not meet each other again, I smiled, nevertheless, rejoicing in the fact that she would be going back to where her heart is. Later, I followed up with the nurse about what she said.

"No. She's not going home. And she thinks she will be. It's sad. I think it's just that she can't accept that she's staying here. She's been here for 2 months now, and she's definitely not going home. God, they have got rid of her house. And her children don't even want to know! They don't even care. It's sad."

Yet. Her love for them never dies. Neither does her optimism.

~

摸索

2011-11-14T01:34:00.000+08:00

To cross or not to cross. Or to tread cautiously along the line? Left or right? What's on the other end? Is it worth risking? What are the other people doing? Are they crossing as well? Should I follow? Or should I dare to be different? Can I?

Am I good enough? Do I have what it takes?

I fumble, I stumble. But I guess that's life isn't it. Not afraid of falling down. Not afraid of getting hurt.

Dear God, I thank You for friends, my earthly guardian angels. I thank You for speaking to me through them, for Your gentle reminder. Thanks for reminding it's ok to make mistakes. “And don't be afraid to make mistakes. You're still learning."

So what if I do fall down? And get hurt.

You get up. And just. keep. walking.

Having faith that there is sunshine at the end of it.

And having faith that when you look back, you'll be able to smile as you see how the dots connect.

我

2011-10-05T16:12:00.000+08:00

可以不需要。

Letting go of Control

2011-10-04T00:22:00.000+08:00

Chants: I have faith that all is well, even without my control.

I'm drawing a figurine of you on a tissue.
Crumple it up in one hand.
Letting go of it.
Let it fall. Let it fall.
Like snow. Let it fall into the stream.
I have faith that all is well, as I see the mash of tissue flow gently down the stream.

Expiration

2011-09-28T01:42:00.000+08:00

The feeling of losingyou is still so real.

I had a dream lastnight.

I lost you. Over and over again.

I woke up feeling like my heart had shrunk into the size of a dried wrinkled raisin. Cut open.

Confession

2011-09-15T02:07:00.002+08:00

Sometimes the right thing to do is the hardest thing to do, and also the most painful.

I'm sorry.

I'm not ready.

Yet.

One Flaw In Women

2011-09-13T23:49:00.000+08:00

I was digging into my inbox for a particular email when some unread emails came up in the search results. Among them were some dated back to 2007 (yes, my inbox is loaded with unread emails :/), from mum. My heart sank.

Why were they left unread?

~~Mostly~~, scratch that, all of them which showed up in the search results were forwarded emails. Ah, that explains why.

Some other day. I will attend to it. Just not today.

I never see them as urgently important. I have probably read them before already . Plus, I could always save them when I'm too bored someday or something, (which obviously never happen). Not a brilliant excuse I know. But. Gah.

With that little feeling of remorse still lingering around, I skimmed through those unread emails. One, in particular, caught my eye.

Title: Fwd: FW: One Flaw In Women

One Flaw In Women

Women have strengths that amaze men.

They bear hardships and they carry burdens,

but they hold happiness, love and joy.

They smile when they want to scream.

They sing when they want to cry.

They cry when they are happy

and laugh when they are nervous.

They fight for what they believe in.

They stand up to injustice.

They don't take "no" for an answer

when they believe there is a better solution.

They go without so their family can have.

They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.

They love unconditionally.

They cry when their children excel

and cheer when their friends get awards.

They are happy when they hear about

a birth or a wedding.

Their hearts break when a friend dies.

They grieve at the loss of a family member,

yet they are strong when they

think there is no strength left.

They know that a hug and a kiss

can heal a broken heart.

Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.

They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you

to show how much they care about you.

The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning.

They bring joy, hope and love.

They have the compassion and ideas.

They give moral support to their

family and friends.

Women have vital things to say

and everything to give.

HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN,

IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.

Please pass this along to all your women friends

and relatives to remind them just how amazing they are.

~*~

Oh ma, was this deliberately saved for a time like this when you are not around to tell me in person anymore?

You.

2011-09-12T13:07:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I lie on someone else's shoulder, close my eyes and pretend it's you.

But it smells different.

Sunshine ripple

2010-05-23T20:27:00.002+08:00

I was so absorbed into the obnoxious Victorian traditions that I find rather interesting – how women being groomed into their roles since young – learning to converse on light literature and when to be silent (!) when I jerked up from my seat as San shrieked from her room: “Emilia Cheaaaaah!!!!!” The bursting excitement of her rapturous exclamation vibrated through her shrilling voice that filled our partitioned little cozy chalet.

It always amazed me how a person can have such great influence on others. Of course, by now San had already bounced out of the chalet catching up with the Light of her life. Immediately, a vision of a bouncy, cheerful, loud Amanda appeared in my mind – That is what us Mahikari youth should be!

I started the day earlier by reading the 14 aims of Mahikari Tai. One of which was being ‘cheerful and active’ (point 11) – a point which I so often neglect being enticed by my nonsensical and useless complaints.

San came in shortly. I waited for her to come in and give me a full account of her ‘excessive display of emotions’: who could confine such bursting emotions to themselves? right right right.. :P True enough, she came in smiling ear to ear.

Even though I have not met her in person, I could feel the pulsating brightness through San from wherever Emilia was calling from. San then calls another friend, shouting into her phone announcing that “Emilia is back!!!”. Shortly after that, San received a call from yet ANOTHEr friend, seemingly also announcing that their sunshine has come back to Malaysia. Needless to say, Emilia is undoubtedly an inspiring powerhouse projecting poisitivity that every youth today should emulate.

“a member of a Mahikari Tai shines with positive light. He never forgets to smile and willingly follows the orders he is given. He positively carries out any assignment, however difficult it may be, and never utter words of complaint or discontent.”

Oh, reminds me of what Dojocho Khoo said in the last kenshu: “be a person of Light. Bring positivity to work, school and home. Generate positivity!”

Note to self: Be a bright Emilia. =)

Miracles do happen

2010-04-02T14:15:00.000+08:00

*JUMPS AROUND THEN BOUNCE BOUNCE BOUNCE, HUGS ANYONE IN SIGHT AND DANCE AROUND IN FIGURE OF 8*

I'M TOO EXCITED NOT TO BLOG ABOUT IT. Even though it doesn't seem to say much. But, whatevahh. That will do for now. Will elaborate when I have the time. Exams in 2 days. Overnight training tomorrow. (Weee!!)

Goodbye people! *hugs computer screen*

dang

2010-03-24T00:43:00.000+08:00

It's weird.

I'm not sad.
I'm not angry.
I'm not broken.
I have not shed a tear.
But. I can't study.

TELL ME WHY.

Rest in Peace

2010-03-23T18:21:00.000+08:00

Attended my granduncle's funeral in Kuala Kangsar/ Ipoh. Will not elaborate.

二叔公，安息吧~

~*~

爱要及时

Calling out to Fireflies

2010-03-17T11:56:00.000+08:00

我有那个荣幸约你今晚陪我去看营火虫吗？

Although we did not venture into some dense deep forest, there was something about the moonlit darkness that was so serene and quiet. We trekked, with our backpacks and nets. Some didn't bother to bring anything along.

They say, make a wish when you catch a firefly and let it go.. It works. Try..

Some chatted and joked, but all was tuned down, subdued, as though being charmed by the night's calmness. They were so shy that night, it wasn't easy to spot any of them. Only very rarely, once in a while, if our eyes were sharp enough, we could spot a tiny flickering glow in motion. Slow flickering rhythm. Glow. Disappear. ----- Glow. Disappear. ----- So modest.

There! I got it! For you... *smiles, handing the net over*

You were still glowing, under the overlapping cloth of the net. Carefully, I saved you out. Held you in both my palms. Your dark body blended into the darkness around, contrasting only two luminous bands, still glowing on and off in the rhythm. It was warm.

Don't be afraid tiny one. I'm only making a wish, I need your blessings. I will let you go...

I did. I closed my eyes, with the tiny warm thingy my hands. And I wished.

Then I let you go.

Go tiny one. Go far and high. Let my wish be heard. Please make it come true.

Today, please show me wonders.

~~*~*~~

Dear God, may I humbly pray

for your wisdom and strength to accept whatever you have in store for us.

Thank you God.

In Everything, Give Thanks

2010-03-16T15:50:00.001+08:00

Sometimes a flat tyre holds you back and saves your life. In the larger picture of things, you may only come to understand the shortcomings for the day taking place for reasons that would serve you. When you've come to accept that ALL things happen in its own course of time, for its own reasons and purpose...find gratitude in that. Even if it meant, you had to change the tyre on a Saturday morning. :)

http://www.facebook.com/liveandinspire

I hope you're that flat tyre. Though some part of me still lingers around the past, still holds on to the little bits that I know very well doesn't exist anymore, still waits in vain for the hole to fill, still get little disappointments when I get my hopes too high, still wishes to vanish in your presence in fear I would say something silly again having to make things even worse by patching things up, now I am decided. I shall stop wanting and stop needing. I shall patiently wait for things to roll out in its own course of time. I will hold my chin up high, because even if it doesn't turn out the way I wish to be, I know in time to come, I will understand. I will understand the reason and purpose. In time to come, I will be able to look back and smile, 'I'm glad it happened just the way it did.'. Thank you. For what you gave. Thank you. For everything. =)

To the Queen of My Heart

2009-05-14T02:05:00.002+08:00

“舒怡来！帮我拔白头发。”

I would joyfully take the red firetruck wooden box, which is supposed to be a holder for children cassette songs, hop behind mummy's back and rest both my arms on mummy's shoulder. I would run my tiny fingers through her thick black hair. Flipping here, flipping there. Letting my fingers go on an adventure through the thick forest of her hair to hunt for the white witch that has to be found, prosecuted and exiled away from mummy's scalp.

When my fingers finally lay on a wicked white witch, I would slide it in between two of my fingers from the tip of the white witch right down to its root, to make it stand out from the others. Then, I'd curl it around my index finger. After having made sure that I have a good grip of it, I'd take a breathe and 'pluck!', there goes the white witch off the scalp and into the firetruck.

Although I always get the same answer, I would brush my fingers lightly on the spot where I have uprooted the white witch, and ask mummy,

"Painful?"

"Nolah, not a bit."

A smile would draw across my face, before starting another adventure.

As the years pass, the adventures became less challenging. Opposed to that, the number of white witches in the firetruck compared to the year before would be more.

Until mum would say,

"Still got ar?"

As the years go by, slowly I learn to only prosecute the very outstanding, obvious white witches without venturing deeper in the layers of her hair. And then I would declare joyfully,

"That's all mum! I can't find anymore."

Not wanting to make her feel old with more and more white witches residing on her scalp.

But today, I won't have those adventures anymore.

Mummy: "I have Obama's hair!!"

We would all give a belly laughter. And I would.. gently pull off her head scarf revealing her newly grown hair. Soft like a baby's that carpets her scalp, I would.. brush my hands all over it, feel the tenderness of the hair under my palm...

..and smile.

头发长出来了！雨过天晴了！

Toast to your undefeatable strength, to your humongous courage, to your unfading love and your everlasting beauty.

Happy birthday mummy!

~♥~

I love you!

Crossroad.

2009-05-08T16:44:00.006+08:00

15 minutes from now.

I don't know what to expect.

But then maybe there won't be any crossroads.

*silent scream*

~~

It's okay honey, God is and will be with you, always.

Update: I was not offered JPA. =)

For you. =)

2009-04-29T23:41:00.003+08:00

Fyi, that's me dad on facebook.

There. That's my decision.

Byebye matriculation.

Missing Punctuation

2009-04-17T07:13:00.003+08:00

I got

Tahniah! Anda telah ditawarkan ke Program Matrikulasi, Kementerian Pelajaran Malaysia.
Nama:	LIM SHU YI
No Kad Pengenalan:	910604*******
Program Pengajian :	PROGRAM SATU TAHUN
Kursus:	M001-SAINS
Nama kolej:	15-KOLEJ MATRIKULASI LABUAN (KML)
Tarikh Mendaftar:	11 MEI 2009

matriculation

Note that there is no punctuation. I don't know whether it should be an exclamation mark or a full-stop.

nyehehe.

Postcards from Far Away

2009-04-14T00:17:00.013+08:00

If you're reading this, it means that I have successfully hit the 'publish post' button without deleting all I have written as I did for the past few update attempts since the last post.

Feels like months ago since the last post, considering all the events that happened in this short period of time. There were so many things that I wanted to write about, to be remembered and make me go 'did this really happen??' in future.

SPM results. (i know. ages ago. doh.) Followed by all the head cracking decisions, hustle bustle scholarship applications, to interviews.

Taking one step at a time. | Borneo Highlands
[That's dumdumb peeking out from my pocket =P]

After a gazillion trips to the school to certify certificates and stuff, I'm really starting to miss school. The whole routined life with friends and all the little crazy nonsense in between.

Apart from missing friends especially stewpid loh loh wence far far away in peninsular who hasn't got his landline yet, I'm not complaining. I'm gonna fully enjoy the luxury of lying in bed, ~~suddenly remembering there's laundry in the washing machine to hang.~~ staring idly at all the colourful little stick notes on my wall, and a daily dose from Val of her new busy busy busy school life, secretly enjoying the fact that I'm still free to do what I like to do. hehe

----

Note : I found the piano scores for 'postcards from far away'!!! weee!!!

A Slice of Joy

2009-03-03T11:24:00.005+08:00

Mum: Do you and koko fancy pizzas?
me : Err....okaylah.
Mum: Wanna go eat pizza?
me : *freeze* (we seldom eat pizza u see, and that coming from mum is kinda rare)
err.... sure!! but... why?
Mum: (watching asian food channel) I feel a sudden crave for pizzzza. *giggles*

~~~

Pizza Hut.
I looooove their tropical chicken pizza!! *winK*

Dumdumb

2009-02-11T22:10:00.004+08:00

Introducing.... dumdumb!!!
hahaha

It's the polar bear I'm referring to.

Dad bought it for me from an airport sometime ago. You see, its eyes are barely visible. Which makes it so adorable and cute!!

But daddy would always pick it up and say,

"You should trim the fur above its eyes. It doesn't look bright at all!! It looks....dumb. Like you.".

And so, its name he gave.

dumdumb.

All these photos were taken out of boredom in Borneo Highlands. It rained bah. Got nothing to do, so I decided to make it an indoor dumdumb photo shooting day. *grins*

cheeeese!!

Frozen in Time

2009-02-10T11:14:00.005+08:00

Have you ever wondered how nice it would be to be able capture a moment and jump into it whenever you want to?

Borneo Highlands - 30th Jan 2009. Photographer : ember

***

This is one of those moments.

***

This is one of my favourite photos taken in Borneo Highlands. Reward photo from koko for carrying his tripod all around. :p

The title? I initially wanted a livelier colour for this photo, but my brother thought this would be perfect for a 'frozen in time' feeling.

I'm happy.

weee~

=)

-------------------

Footnote : Happy birthday Agnes!! *for shouting out loud* (=

Birthday Boys

2009-01-31T16:25:00.008+08:00

Happy Belated 18th Birthday to the two very different guys!! hahaha

Thanks for being part of my life. Thanks for all the thoughtful moments, thanks for the poem, the soup, the chocs, the jokes, the wise words, the crazy moments, the teases, the company and most of all, the memories together, that made my days better than all other days!!

Dear John and kwangyan,

Happy 18th Birthday!!!!!!!

Tears are Contagious

2009-01-06T23:55:00.008+08:00

Nope. I don't know whether they do but not as in tears bring disease as what I am trying to relate here. Tears are contagious. I know Val would be hitting me with all the 'no, I don't agree' when she reads this, coz she's a no-crying-business girl. XD But at least it's always true for my case.

As soon as we arrived at the airport this afternoon, daddy said to me in a nostalgic voice, "Mummy must be feeling very sad". Seeee.. call me emotional, I got it from dad.

A knot started to form a little in my throat but I got rid of it. I told myself it's no biggie, it's not that we're not gonna meet again. And I definitely didn't want to make it such a sad parting.

We headed to the check-in counters to .. check-in of course. Since it was still early, we all hanged out outside the departure entrance for a last moment together for this trip.

Then time's up. They've got to go means they've got to go. Waipo [grandma] started to teared as she hugged mummy. Hastily telling all the 'don't ....' and the 'remember ah..'. Every mothers' tradition upon parting. Tears started to well up in my eyes as I felt the powerful love of a mother who'd care and love unconditionally and would never stop worrying about their children and always hoping the best for them.

Waipo hugged dad, then my brother, until it was finally my turn. Waipo gave me a heavy hearted look, and said what every adult would say to a kid :

“舒怡，要乖乖哈！”

She squeezed me tight. She was so full of tears that I could feel my shoulders wet. At this point, I could no longer hold back my tears. They just carefreely streamed down my cheeks. There were so many things I wanted to tell her. I wanted to tell her how amazing I think she is. I wanted to tell her how thankful and blessed we all feel to have had her around. I wanted to ask her to come back again after the new year. But my throat was so tight I couldn't even blurt a proper 'byebye'.

As we see them off into the imigration counters through the glass dividers, my brother gave me a hard pat on the back, "hoi, pull yourself together!". And I was like, yep, even mom isn't crying. Why am I always the only one left with tears. ish.

If waipo wasn't so teary in the first place, I might have successfully leave the airport without a tear in the eye.

That's why I say, I think I'm allergic to tears.

Note: Photos above were taken by my brother. :)

My Sister-in-law

2009-01-06T21:30:00.005+08:00

My brother was commenting about his new DSLR being put on the floor in its bag.

"Oh no.. Why is it on the floor??", in his most worried voice. "It must be dad. How if someone steps on it?"

"It's much better than falling from a table.", I said, nonchalantly.

"Nolah. Imagine this."
He posed with his leg stepping on an imaginary thingy. With his added sound effect, "K-k-k-k-krush!!"
"Oh so heart breaking!"

"How about this," I said, "'thud!' and 'priak!!'".

"Arrrgh ...it's equally heart breaking!!! ", he shrieked.

This thingy right, is my bro's new wife. :)

Muted

2009-01-05T13:45:00.003+08:00

Psssssst!! I 've got something to tell you...
But you've got to listen reaally closely.

DO YOU HEAR ME??

no?
nevermind.

2008 Recap

2009-01-01T02:14:00.003+08:00

It has been a ____ year.

I can't exactly find a word to fill in that blank. I welcomed this year full of enthusiasm. Can't help of a little bit of the superstition, for the fact that is a '08' year, I believed that it was a good year in store for me. Perhaps partly also as a motivation for my major exam. So did God thought it was a good year for me to grow I guess, He threw me aplenty of tests, but none that I was able to pass without lots of negativity.

The emotions now are overwhelming and especially amplified now that I have reached the end tail of the year.

It is the time we look back and reflect upon the whole year. I have not achieved anything solid. I have been wasting time on dwelling on trivial matters, round and round the garden, heading nowhere. Sad to say, of all 17 years since being born on earth, this year is the most unfruitful year of all. My sense of accomplishment is near zero.

All the ups and downs, with God's grace, God let me fall but held out a helping hand for me to stand again. However, I got too caught up with the bad rather than the good that I became a selfish, arrogant, self-centered hermit crab. Hiding from one hole into another. I snapped. I hid. I ran. I escaped. Until God say it was enough. I was too submerged into my own world that God had to give me a good knock in the head.

Those were expensive lessons and I mean it. I guess sometimes we just had to wait til catastrophe hits only will we be awaken huh?

I have realised it does not need to take what we did to ruin things, but rather even what we did not do would cause irreversible damage.

So, if I were given a chance to live 2008 again, I would not want God to take away my problems, but I'd rather live them all over again and deal things with wisdom, humility and courage.

Yes I got the message.+.+

2008-05-11T13:22:00.006+08:00

She mentioned about the analogy Uncle Robert told her that day.

You can't swim. You are about to be drowned.
Water up to your height, leaving the tip of your nose gasping for air.
Then someone came by and said something to you.
That instance, it was as though the words went pressing you further down into the water.
+.+

***

We had a little casual group conversation last night. To reflect upon how we have been living our lives lately. She reminded us of God's great protection last year. The car accident. That nearly took our lives. We were liberated from that bloody incident. She made us think why. She reminded us of our family's condition.

She shared what she read, and what she had learn during the past 3 months. I intently listened, nodded, listened. She'd pause and look at me once in a while, repeatedly ask me "do you get what I mean?". I know very well what was the message she was trying to carry across. Still, all I could do was just nod.

Until she had to ask the question that hit me real hard. "Do you feel the seriousness of the condition of you and your family right now? Because I do."

She didn't have to scream through my ears. That question slapped me real hard. The inner conflict in me started to build up until I could no longer suppress. It was as though having tonnes of bricks on my back, struggling hard to stand again.

***

It is always the issue of : 'balance your time!' . 'Give yourself time for God!'
I know. I know. Yes, I do. Do you hear me? I KNOW!!!

***

She just had to bring it up when I'm gona have Sejarah test tomorrow.
She knows I'm sitting for this huge test end of this year.
A test that I am expected to do well.
She could have tell me some other days.
No, honey. She was just being real concerned.
...
Yeah, I know.

***

I'm not lost. I know what I am facing. I know what I am lacking. I know what I am supposed to do. I've got to persevere.

No, I don't know what to do. I don't know. Somebody!! pick me up!! I'm lost!!

Silent Plea

2008-05-07T19:33:00.007+08:00

Dear God,
Please help me fathom the things I don't understand.
Please help me be grateful for the things I despise.
Please give me courage to face the nodes of life.
Please give me strength to pass your tests.
Please give me the will to continue.
Please give me the faith to always stay by You.

Thank you very much, God!

Peekaboo!

2008-04-26T04:08:00.000+08:00

It's four am in the morning. Half of my body tucked under the covers of my bed, listening to the rhythmic raindrops hitting on the roof. I'm up to edit my debate scripts on dad's lappy. It's nice to work in bed. =)

No i did not set the alarm. no i did not have debate nightmares.

shoo! dark eye rings !!!
shooo!

Little Updates

2008-02-05T11:07:00.001+08:00

To make it up for being lazy, I'll go very briefly this time: =)

:: Kem Jaya Diri | 18 - 19 December, 2007 ::

Arrived school on the 17th (zero day), 1515 hours. And that's when I started my sleepless marathon.

1st Night : last editing of slides. couldn't get even a second of sleep due to some inconsiderate people who decided others can't get sleep if they can't and went busily chatting away. Even counting lambs didn't work for goodness sake!!

2nd Night: Search and Rescue. Almost doze off during intervals of blowing the whistle to indicate change of stations.

Total hours of sleep : 30 mere minutes [2 hours before the closing ceremony]

Outcome : I've got an even wider prospective of the darkness of human inter-relations.

On a brighter side,

Achievements : Getting almost all of the participants to claim I'm the best emcee in the world, and the t-shirt is the best camp t-shirt in the world!!! xD i know, im evil. nyahaha....

:: Youth Jamboree | 21-23 December, 2007 ::

One-word to describe this jamboree : wonderful!
Outcome : I'll be a better girl than just a good girl. XD

:: Melacca - Seremban Highway | 24 December, 2007 ::

Met with an car accident on a wet, rainy night.
Great God, it's a miracle I'm right here, right now, able to type this thing!
*shivers*

:: KL | 25-30 December, 2007 ::

shopping spree!!!!!!

*~*~*

tHe end.

Sixteen Candles for A birthday Girl

2007-12-12T01:27:00.000+08:00

♥ .:: Dedicated to Blueangel ::. ♥

Someone full of surprises, someone witty and bold.
Who walks in and out of other people's life, touching each and every soul.

Someone bursting with wild dreams, she makes life a little more crazy.
Someone packed with emotions, there's nothing in life she doesn't fancy.

She's got more than one mouth, when she starts blabbering.
To make it up to her slow speech, 2 years later than other toddlers.

Still, a good listener, at times when you need counseling FOC.
Don't know her? Oh, too bad!

Coz you see, she's this wonderful package - Limited edition.
She's none other than Val, who carries a surname of Aw.

She is a girl full of love, someone who could never stop caring.
She's got every girl's sweetness, a bit boyish but still dazzling!

From, the one and only me, from the bottom of my heart.
Thanks for spicing up my life, I can't imagine life without u! =)

Happy sweet sixteen, my dearest buddy!

He Prayed.

2007-12-12T00:24:00.000+08:00

I lay on bed, watching daddy on his knees for his night prayers. Moments later, he got up and laid by my side. There was silence for a moment in the room dimly lit by the orangey crystal light..With a heavy sigh, he broke the silence.

" How long would she be with us.. "

I snuggled close to daddy, and felt a huge knot forming in my throat, knowing very well what were in his prayers.

He said more. Tears started to blur my vision. No. I can't. No tears.

I moved away, with my pillow on one hand, and a stuffed polar bear daddy bought for me on the other and curled up on the other side of the bed. I tried to hold back as I clenched poor polar bear, he nearly suffocated. A tear gleefully escaped from my eye, as I breathed deeply and slowly, not wanting daddy to hear my sniffs. But daddy knows his own girl like every mother knows her child. He reached for my palm and fix mine to his. And that was when tears went streaming down my cheeks and dampened my pillow.

2007-12-10T11:48:00.000+08:00

I hate myself for not having the ability to hold back my tears. Every. Single. time.

Back to Paper and Pens

2007-12-06T11:31:00.000+08:00

I went into that place. Calm my senses, it has already been a whole solid month since the last time I was there. It's time we should get back to paper and pens . It's different this time. My last high school year-end holidays in my entire life is just about to end. And before i know it, I don't think I have accomplished much. *fallen crest* Time flies! Accept the fact, girl! doh.

The next milestone is of course nothing but SPM.

Looking at the thick notes, I stared - Chapter 1 - Waves. WAVES. and some curly lines all over the page waiting for us to get hair wired over. Have I even forgotten how to hold a pen properly? XD

And just as any student would ask , Agnes grumbled :" I just wonder what good would it make me as a student to learn about all these.. ..WAVES.." Bullseye.

Never Leave Little Things Unsaid ♥

2007-11-22T00:21:00.000+08:00

Just watched Little Manhattan with my family. Cute movie.

Tagline : Never leave little things unsaid piling up in the closet.

In simpler terms : Say "i love you" more often. ♥

Said once today?

Here's one : I ♥ you!

=)

Marching Course Backdrop

2007-11-21T16:31:00.000+08:00

Backdrop. =)

..

2007-11-21T01:05:00.000+08:00

人..

..为什磨会生气？

2007-11-21T00:57:00.000+08:00

如果人的忍耐度是无限的..那该多好..

Freshies in Blog

2007-11-19T10:52:00.000+08:00

1. Added my brother's blog link, added Crystal's blog link as well. =)

2. Added 2 lovely tortoise. Feed, drag, spin! Play with them!

3. Added comic strips!! Way at the bottom of the page.

4. Deleted the calendar. Decided that it's useless, and the colours don't even match.

Outward Bound Camp

2007-11-17T23:25:00.000+08:00

.::Outward Bound camp::.
Date | 14 - 15 Nov
Venue | Permai

Here are the Photos.Me Group - Honolulu!!

Purple top, orange pants, white cap. Spot me! =)

Award winning - Best sandcastle.
With our masterpiece. Pyramid-sandcastle kononnya. Haha.

Fiona and I. Adjusting wigs. XD
[Random Candid shots by Tan Yee.]

weee! cheeeze~!

not in the photo :'(
Nice right? Me the photographer!! =) =) *perasan*

~*~

Link Camp

2007-11-12T01:31:00.000+08:00

RC Link Camp Program Book. =)
I won't call it a beauty. I'll call it sweet!!
Excuse me for my vanity. *ahem* XD

Hot from the Oven

2007-11-09T19:26:00.001+08:00

Tada~!!!
.::~ Our sweet beauty ~::.

Elegant brown, with a splash of fresh blue.
Seemingly glowing as lights reflects away from its gloss surface.
A compilation of hard work, work of inspirations & creativity,
and a whole chunk of sacrifices.

Together, we produced this baby. haha

This is what I worked for in an expensive expense of my whole Form 4 studies.
~

Marching Course 2007

2007-11-04T19:39:00.000+08:00

As I drag my heavy body, up the stairs of our school hall which seems endless, all I hear is just my own footsteps. Slight, soft breeze caress my sticky face, hot with perspiration. Hours ago, every team was in this whole marching away for the final battle. The air was tense, as each team strives for perfection. But now, it's just me and my own footsteps, after everything died off.

It was a havoc. I barely spend time with my team and polishing their marching skills to their best. What to do lar...I was sou occupied with my Decoration role. We spent the whole morning yesterday putting up the backdrop in the AVA. No easy job. But it turned out to be a beauty.

Today was crazy as well. We were all in a huge turmoil. We were alll barely prepared for the closing ceremony when the principal arrives. Bad thing when your school principal is always too punctual for any events. Cut things short, my slide was bad. Short of time mah.. XD

One redemption : Ms. Connie told me how Mr. Lau adore our backdrop. He commented that the colour combination was great and blended very well with its contrast and everything. Sueweet!! He even demanded for a photo of it. -.-

I'll post a photo of it up here when i get it. That's all for now. I'm flat.

~*~*~*~*~
edit [21-11-07] : Add photo -

Installation Night

2007-10-27T23:00:00.000+08:00

*yawN* I wanna have a playback... it was fun. ....I will remember this night...*jaw breaking yawN*

Interact Installation

2007-10-22T00:26:00.000+08:00

Before you know it, everything is over. I was actually looking forward to this night. Well, perhaps because this shall be the last time i'll be emceeing. At least during high school life, that is. I just love the thrill of it. Mom says I'm too much of loving the attention i get. Who doesn't anyway?
It went, not okay in the beginning and okay towards the end. XD

And the night just ended. I feel a little empty right now. Perhaps because of the minimal few photos we took. I wanted more!! only managed to snap a few photos. One with val, another with wei yiing, and another one alone [which val made me]. Lawrence looked great in black, too bad didn't take a photo with him. And VaL was gorgeous with her new dress with her hair blown, you'll see. yup, char snapped us. I'll post it up here when i get them.

doh.

2007-10-10T17:37:00.000+08:00

Tired. My poor fingers. They're tired too. Stained with ink, flipping trough 260 pages. No more, no less. Again and again. Checking and counting, counting and checking. All i can hear all around - Fingers busily bouncing off the keyboards, clicking sounds of 'mice'. And so that's how it's like, being under the roofs of a humble old building of Sarawak Press.

Yes, it was yet another visit to the printing company. Along with Pn. Loo right after my papers, skipping lunch, to The Place. -.-

Good news : nil

Bad news :
1. Spelling errors. [still a plenty]

2. No coloured dividers!!!!! [yes i know, its not the first time mentioning it, and mind you, i hoped and prayed and hoped till the very end. nope, santa didn't come by, he assured me that i was a good girl tho. xD]

3. Missing photos here and there. [means there is more work.]

4. Mistake in quotation. [2 of the coloured adverts weren't allocated in the quotations. Gotta eat up my colour page some more. great.]

5. Just found out Joshua and elz's poem isn't in. Pn Loo took it out. Sheeeeeez!!!! I can't feel more guilty about it. Forgive me lah guys.. T.T

5. Cannot be finalised for the final draft anytime before Raya. And the graphic girl wont be back until next Friday. doh. ish. means, final draft = AFTER RAyA!!! [ as if things can't get any worse????]

6. Magazines are not to be distributed anytime before the LASTTTT week of school. G-r-r-reat.

and oh, couldn't make it to meet up with val they all. I'm soooouuu sorry guys!!!! [and June, i know you'd forgive me eh? =p] nevermind, nevermind, I know y'all will understand, no? =) and thanks for the ticket, sorry it gotta go to the trash.

Anyway, here's a lovely picture for you all, [untuk menebus dosa, haehae] :

Friendship needs no words...

masterpiece of boredom

2007-10-08T15:39:00.000+08:00

I scribbled this during my English paper. Did some editing in Photoshop to get rid of the foolscape lines. And of course the effects too. Beauty, ain't it? XD

Lollipop friend.

2007-10-06T14:36:00.000+08:00

Val told me that day : 你放得很干脆哦..

Wull, did I ? Perhaps yah.. We're talking again aren't we?

But there is something I have to make straight about. No, I never had feelings for him.

It was like giving a child a lollipop, then grab it away from the child, leaving the child breaking into tears, then bawling.

He would never comprehend. Why was it taken away? Why was it that it needed to be taken away? If he really can't have it, why was it given to him in the first place? Maybe he would just let go if he was given an explanation, but no. He was left with many questions bombarding him.

The child was broken. Even broken when the child saw his little sister happily holding the lollipop instead. Why can't he have it when his sister can?

She was smiling. He wanted the lollipop.
Looking at her brilliant smile, he thought, did he really wanted and demanded for a lollipop so badly in the first place? No. So in the end, he decided he would not take the smile away from his sister. It was sure nice to have a lollipop but he figured he could live without it.

And I was like the child. So, did i have feelings for him? Like the lollipop, I can't deny that certain part of me do look up to him that made me initially thought that I liked him. But no, I've thought about it and I'm sure. He was someone who made me feel great about myself. He was someone who made me feel that I'm treasured. He was someone who made me constantly remind myself that I'm surrounded with friends who love and care for me in my darkest moments.

I just couldn't bear losing a close friend. It was the fear of losing someone.

musique

2007-09-28T21:56:00.000+08:00

I went to the piano, dragged the stool out and landed myself on it.

I reached for this piece.

Simple, yet so delicate, so light, so graceful.

I positioned my fingers on the keys.

And they started dancing.

I'm gonna look for somebody to duet this piece with.Wouldn't that be nice..?=)

You.

2007-09-19T19:54:00.000+08:00

I like the way you look at me
with your eyes so soft and brown.

I like the way you hold my hands
and pull me back on grounds.

I like the way you smile at me
and make my heart go warm.

I like the way you let me bury
my head into your arms.

I like the way you wipe my tears
and pull me close to you.

I like the way you play with my hair
you curl it like a kid so playful

I like the way you lift me up
when nothing seems in place.

I like the way you laugh at me
when I ask you for a kiss.

I like the way you move your face
next to mine so close,
so close
that your cushioned cheeks pressed on mine,
that I can smell your distinct yet familiar fragrance,
that it tells me my heart is at home,
and into my ears I hear you saying,
"I love you!"

Don't leave me mum, don't let me walk alone.

A hole in my smile.

2007-09-17T16:07:00.000+08:00

You might have been wondering what was the title of the last post was all about.

Yep.

I lost a tooth.

I know.

I'm sixteen.

And yes, I lost a tooth.

And now, I'm broken.

I can't believe it. I have actually cried over losing a tooth! Well, you might wonder, how bad can that be? I've lost something I had ON ME, for SIXteen Loooong years tho. But you know, it can be pretty awful to know that there isn't any teeth coming out to fill that space.

awwwww.... *bite lower lip*

'Cause you see, I have this big teeth problem. There are still a couple of milk teeth that has yet fallen off. Funny why only the last dentist among all other dentists i have seen in my life has discovered that it's rather VERY late for a girl at MY AGE to still have, not one, but a couple of milk teeth in my mouth. So, as far as teeth beauty is concerned, i might not have permanent teeth in beneath my gums to replace the milk teeth. Only an x-ray tells it all.

But in this case, I had [since when i duno] four canine [虎牙], unlike the normal 2 in every other peoples' mouth. What happened was that my 2 permanent canine erupted before my baby canine drops. So, the 2 permanent canines erupted closely beside my baby canines.

Get the picture now? And so now, my upper right canine has fallen off, finally, leaving a hole. End of story? Not yet. I still have my upper left canine, strongly intact to my gums. And it's pretty obvious that it's a baby canine by the look of it, the size i mean. Now that, better don;t ever fall offf!!!! Well, i know it's impossible though...hhuuuhmm... Now i feel sad again...

No, it sounds disgusting to have a tooth transplant, even worse to wear braces! eww...scary lar..

Heiyor...well, and you would see less of my teeth-exposing-smiles from now on. humph. *blink*

Tooth fairy!! I demand my tooth back!!

2007-09-17T15:37:00.000+08:00

How was my day? Today was..well, not so good but not too bad. Uh, what am I talking about? Anyway, went to look for Pn. Loo, 'first thing in the morning', as commanded by the woman. Bumped myself to the staff room door, and the next thing i know, I found myself stupidly frozen right at the door. Ah, great, Mr. principal was in the middle of his morning briefings to the teachers.
And pretty Agnes can't just stop laughing like I'm not embarrassed enough with ALL the teachers staring widely at me as I stuck my tongue out and step backward to let way to the door to be closed.

I mean, where are the prefects?!!! They are supposed to stand at the door to safe students from humiliation like one of those i had this morning. Hmph..

Anyway, I can't help feeling better when soon enough, Joseph came by, and before we could say anything, "POOP" and..." WHERE ARE THE PREFECTS?!" ..XD hehex sorry Jo..

So... after that, Agnes and I strolled to 3A1 to pay Cindy a visit. And there goes Agnes of her "aww.....how I miss the class....how I miss form 3 life!!" Yep, you bet. Come to think about it, form 3 life was so carefree that you just can actually afford to sit in class so idly that you snooze off while the teacher is teaching. Ah..that's life then. But, no. Not life NOW. Even if you get SOu bored during lessons, there are still SOME undone business SOMEHOW that will not stop boggling your mind. Snoozing off? Nope, not so luxurious.

After sitting in class for like 2 whole no-pnloo-periods, i finally decided that she might miss me in the staff room dying to see me. So, off I go and BUMP.. MR. Tau.

*a loong wide-eyed stare......I looked at him, he looked at me.
Mr. Tau : shuyi, you have not be in class for 2 whole weeks.
Shuyi : ...uhhhh....*blank stare*
Mr. Tau : Everytime I go to your class for history lesson, you're ALWAYS not in class.
shuyi : ....uhhhhhhh......*hands start to get cold*..my....majala.....
Mr. Tau : I don't want you out of class anymore.
shuyi : .....uhhh...but..
Mr. Tau : Tell pn.Loo I want u in class for every history lesson.
shuyi : ..thhha.
Mr. Tau : ..and you sejarah is not that good also, you know.
shuyi : .....

Great, my sejarah is not that good. i know, I KNOW...!!
......and i submissively trailed his footsteps with my head as low as ever...

After recess, moral. Note: I only brought ONE textbk and that is moral. Nice of me right, Mr. Chiang?
BUt no, you just had to make me feel bad. He gave us a surprise test. aaannd, yea....I left them blank. While mr chiang, who knows very well that he caught me this time, cannot help but kept saying, 没办法咯。。就是这样咯。。你最近想majalah想太多了啦。。moral也丢掉了。。没办法咯。。

Well, thank YOU VERY MUCH.

Wanna join me?

2007-09-14T23:03:00.000+08:00

I'll scream. I'll shout. I'll cry.

Then... ....I'll move on.

thanks dear buddy, angelina.

2007-09-14T22:19:00.000+08:00

I need a break. Can time ever stop?

LET GO[fullstop]

2007-09-14T12:55:00.000+08:00

I have thought about it. I have made up my mind. There are things in life we cannot but let go. You can't cage a butterfly. Can you?

2007-09-13T23:23:00.000+08:00

I miss you.

No School Day

2007-09-12T19:45:00.001+08:00

Skipped school today. *evil laugh* If you'd noticed, the last 2 posts are EOC [evidence of crime], which were posted illegally. shhhhhhhhh

So, what did i miss out in school today? Lots. Leave out the details, but this can't be left out. Read on.

Agnes called:-- *not in her exact words. translated from chinese.

agnes : wah, that pn loo ar, blasted me ar!!
she asked me about every other sections which aren't under me and i don't even know how to answer her. She demanded to see the profile section tomorrow, no matter what!!
shuyi : ....woa...
agnes : .... [i can almost see her firing at the other end of the line]
shuyi : .. okay...

VaL called:--

val : shuyi, *pause* *then, in a very serious tone* you were the most wanted person in school today.
shuyi : hmm.....
val : Pn. Loo went totally mad when she found out of your absence.
shuyi : so, what did she say?
val : She hunted william down and asked for u. When william told her you were absent, she gave him this look like she didn't believe him.
shuyi : ....*picturing that oh-so-familiar look in my mind*

William messaged :--

william : Hey, why u din go to skul today? Dun tell me sick o, yesterday still ok leh...*
me : couldn't wake up. Haha. Pn Loo must have exploded, did she?
william : yaloh, she asked me, stuff that i'm not in charge, i kena bombed oso. So many people kena bombed by her ah. *
me : Haha, dun worry, you'll see me tomorrow. I can't bare to see my darlings getting burn injuries. hahaha

* not in his exact words. I accidentally deleted his messages.

Geeez....I feel bad.

But then, WOA.... what can i say? Suddenly right.. I feel so important. *breaks into another evil laugh*

Okay, sorry. Sorry people, sorry. I assure you guys, y'all WILL see me tomorrow. XD
Oh dear, now i'm not exactly sure how am i to confront her tomorrow. inner voice : face the music shuyi. face the music. *sigh*

2007-09-12T08:25:00.000+08:00

Now I feel more pathetic. -.-

p/s: Just a lil note: Pn Loo must have been exploding by now.

Little did I know

2007-09-12T07:35:00.000+08:00

Okay, so here it goes ~
[for the first 2 cursing post, if you would call that. I have been real nice with words already]

We met each other. And it was way back to.. uh.. 3 years and 9 months, to be exact. I thought I knew you then. You're this one person, so far away.

Life went on sailing for 2 years. You came closer to my life. I thought, by then, "oh so this is you." I thought I knew you then.

Little did I know, you were an intruder. You dropped those words every girl dreads to hear. Like a bomb, you dropped them. Little did i know, naive me, it was all just about a bet with a friend of yours, placed on ME. You, should have known how I felt. You, betrayed my feelings. You, intruded my life.

And that, was THEN.

As life goes on sailing, Life pulled us all together. In a bunch. We grew closer, all of us. And an even clearer picture of YOU. And I thought I knew you then.

But little did I know..

You came into my life, once again. Even much closer this time.
You smudged the line between us. It became sO blur. More often than not, I thought it was true. You came into my dreams, you came into my fantasies. More often than not, I thought it was more to just dreams and fantasies. You made me....MADE me care for you..

Oh-so-i-thought! Little did i know, i actually DO NOT KNOW YOU AT ALL!

You came into my life without knocking at my doors and you left when you felt like it.
Wull, thank you very much!

Little did YOU know, you left me hanging.

But then again, thanks for your attention, your care, you love during that phase even tho i doubt very much, that it can be even regarded as attention, care and love. Thanks for being not who you are at that time.

Im gonna miss THAT you.

non-existence?

2007-09-11T17:30:00.000+08:00

Eric messaged me. with all his wonderful motivational words. Aww.....how sweet of him.. I mean, seriously, he's the ultimate BUSY-MAN. In comparison to him, I'm this small lil bug almost next to nothing. It's like, huge shrek and.. er.. dust? ya, dust. hahaha. Yet, he still took the time to stop by and care for me in his intervals of his lil quaver rests of his busy melody.

Realisation strikes:

1. I still have friends around who care about me a lot. [thank you dudes and dudesses!!]
2. I still do EXIST in people's life. :)

knock knock..anybody homE?

2007-09-11T15:35:00.000+08:00

I couldn't tell you why she felt that way,
She felt it everyday.
And I couldn't help her,
I just watched her make the same mistakes again.

What's wrong, what's wrong now?
Too many, too many problems.
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.

Open your eyes and look outside, find the reasons why.
You've been rejected, and now you can't find what you left behind.
Be strong, be strong now.
Too many, too many problems.
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.

Her feelings she hides.
Her dreams she can't find.
She's losing her mind.
She's fallen behind.
She can't find her place.
She's losing her faith.
She's fallen from grace.
She's all over the place.
Yeah,oh

She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.

She's lost inside, lost inside...oh oh yeah
She's lost inside, lost inside...oh oh yeah

Blasted avril's songs last night. Ah, you should know how great that feels..

Let's talk this over
It's not like we're dead
Was it something I did?
Was it something You said?
Don't leave me hanging
In a city so dead
Held up so high
On such a breakable thread

You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be.......

..and they just won't get out of my head. I feel sou like a music player now.

Mess with me again, u dare.

2007-09-11T01:13:00.000+08:00

What happens when a beautiful flower is deprived of water?It dies.

Why???? why on earth? why? why did u come into my life? get out. don't cramp my space. Keep away from my life. Don't you dare mess with my feelings again. Monstrous people.